The.Mediocre.Blogger

Let’s face it.

You showed early signs of academic success as a child and were praised by everyone. You internalized the idea that being smart was an inherent trait. You were “smart”. Teachers loved you. So did your parents. But as time went on, everyone got used to the idea, so, your academic achievements were taken for granted. They became expectations.

Getting older, you vied for such academic successes more because you once had it in you and didn’t want to be known as a “has-been”; not because it was important to you. Now, you are older, you procrastinate all your tasks that you want to do because you may not succeed which would expose you as a fraud.

And so, just like that, without having done anything significant in life or amounting to much, I’ve passed the first quarter of my life – in a remarkably average way. And here are some lessons I learnt as I step into my 30s.

1. You will walk around aimlessly most of the time. Childhood dreams will disappear, so will the imagination. You’ll realize dreams have price tags. New prospects will excite you very little. Life will have very little meaning and the pressure to find one will overwhelm you to the point of self-exhaustion and doubt.
2. Work won’t be fulfilling. Sure, it’ll teach you new things and some will be interesting. And you’ll make new friends. But workdays will feel like labor camps. Office will feel like a prison. You’ll long for that one day of the week when you don’t have to go. Exhaustion will be a way of life. And you’ll wonder why you are okay with it.
3. Quitting your job won’t be easy – leaving behind the familiar…if you manage to, the constant stress of getting the next paycheck will eat you. Running behind your passion won’t be easy either way. You’ll try, of course. But in due time, you will go back to the same pattern…in search of stability.
4. Love will get difficult. It will be all consuming. Some days, you’ll celebrate this thought and on others, it’ll terrify you to death. There will be terms and conditions. You’ll find yourself fighting over silliest of reasons. Both of you’ll hurt each other – in ways you didn’t know you could. Your heart will break numerous times…like biscuits dipped too long in tea. But you’ll stay because it’ll either be worth it or because of the ‘Sunk Cost’. Besides, loneliness is worse.
5. Age will be terrifying. Seeing your parents get older will worry you to death. More so, realizing you have not been able to provide them with the life they deserve will drown you. You’ll question yourself if you ever will be able to.
6. Nobody will tell you how to get unstuck. Nothing will make sense. You’ll be absorbed in a fierce longing of wanting to go back – back to familiar, simpler times – to erase your mistakes and edit your life. Nights will hold very little peace and days will be mundane. Anxiety will seep in. And you’ll find yourself fighting hard to not let it take over.
7. You won’t have time. Between your work, commute, and chores, slow mornings will be a luxury you can’t afford. Evenings and nights will pass lying on the couch, gathering parts of yourself. If you do find the time to take care of your body, you’ll have to work very hard to maintain a mediocre one.
8. You will learn to suffer alone. Your friends won’t be there to hold you while you dry your tears out. You will also celebrate alone. Birthdays will be forgotten. And strangers will celebrate your successes more than your friends ever did. But you won’t hold it against them anymore, because, you’ll probably do the same. Life consumes everyone. That’s the hard truth.
9. Acceptance will be a bitch. Astounding realizations will knock on your door – you’ll never amount to much; you’ll fail at things you thought you couldn’t. This will hurt. Endings won’t hurt as much as the fact that you couldn’t do anything about them. Nostalgia will be consoling but you won’t be able to afford it. You’ll learn to leave some things untouched.
10. The world will stop and it will go on. Suddenly, you’ll realize it all by yourself. You will still be here – running, strutting, or sometimes, even crawling…but moving nonetheless. If you’re really lucky, you’ll really live. Else, you’ll learn to survive.

That is it. Thus far.